How to Make a Friend (Hint: It May Require a Risk)

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A godly friend is a blessing from the Lord. This is someone who speaks truth into our life, helps us when we fall, encourages us to stay the course, fixing our eyes on Jesus, and spurs us on towards love and good deeds.

But sometimes, though we long for a friend, we aren’t sure how to make one. I’ve been there.

However, I also know having friends (girl-friends, couple-friends, sister-friends, mom-friends), is part of what makes life rich and good and fun! My friendships with others has greatly enhanced my life, and I want that for you too!

Having a friend requires some things–

It requires time. As my dad always says, “you can have as many friends as you have time for!” And he couldn’t be more right. So recognize that if you want a friend in your life, you must make room for her and she for you!

Having a friend also requires a willingness to let others into our lives. If we’re lazy about this, we will miss out greatly!

If you’re open to these two things, here’s how to make a friend…

How to make a friend

In my personal experience, I’ve learned that friendship takes risk. This is true in each of my most dear friendships (outside of my family of origin –those are a gift).

Let me give you one example of this type of risk.

When I was pregnant with my first baby and anticipating quitting my job to be a SAHM, I had a big friend-void. I was newly married and in a new city. I had work-friends, but this was a long commute from my home, and their lives would soon be on a different schedule from mine.

I was newly attending a huge church with no moms’ ministry, and I was still in the very early stages of getting connected. I desperately wanted to be scooped up… but that was not happening. So, I put myself out of my comfort zone. I got in contact with the one person I knew at church and expressed interest in having a little shin-dig at my house for moms in a similar life season.

She was able to give me contact info for six women (her included), each of which were either pregnant or brand new moms. I reached out to them and suggested the meet up.

That may sound simple enough to you, but this required BIG humility and courage for me at that point in my life. I deeply felt like an outsider.

The amazing thing was, each one of these women came! That was incredibly affirming, and as it turned out, they were hungry for “new mom” friends too, even though many of them were locals or had been at the church for a while. That group met regularly for a couple of years, and I am still very close friends with a couple of those women.


Thinking about some of my other closest friendships–

  • One took a risk by asking me to room with her in college when we barely knew each other. I know she felt funny doing at the time, but she needed a roommate and a friend, and so did I! God used that relationship immensely in my life, and she is still one of my best friends.
  • Another took a risk by inviting my husband and I over for dinner and then into a Bible Study she and her husband were forming. She had only met me a few time. (They later told us just how risky that felt). They desperately needed friends, and we did too!
  • Another friend reached out to me and suggested meeting for regular play dates after hearing me share my story at a small group. She felt God nudging her, as did each of these friends. That is always a good sign!

So if you’re longing for a friend to walk through life with, begin praying about who God might compel you to invite into your life.

If it feels like a risk, you’re probably doing something right.

Want to keep talking about friendship?

My friend Leah from Life Around the Coffee Cup and I are going to be on Blab TONIGHT at 9:30 Eastern time, 6:30 Pacific time. We will be talking about friendship, and we want you to join us for this live video event!

You can RSVP and find all the information at our Facebook event page here!

Don’t know what Blab is? All you need is an internet connection, a direct link (which will be posted on the Facebook event page at go time), and a Twitter account to watch this live video stream from your device or computer! You can even call in or interact with us via messaging. It’s a lot of fun!

I hope to see you tonight!

Was there ever a time when you took a risk and the result was a treasured friendship?


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  1. I remember Sally Clarkson repeatedly sharing this same sentiment of extending yourself in order to form friendships. It’s a needed word!

  2. Rebecca says:

    I just found your blog through Pinterest. I needed this push about taking risks to make friends, because we are in the middle of moving. Thank you.

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